you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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