At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
