I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
