People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
