I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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