I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
