Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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