Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
