I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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