I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
