you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
