thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
