It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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