P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
