big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
