The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
