I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
