Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
