You smell like stripper and shame
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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