video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
