i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
