we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So much rum. So many feels.
I AM VODKA MAN
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
