I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize