Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
