I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
