i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
