She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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