I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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