Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
