what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
