Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
