I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
