Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
