Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize