I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
