I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
