they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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