Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize