M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize