omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
