I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize