Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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