There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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