He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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