hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
