He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
