Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
