im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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