bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You ruined the universe
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
