There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
