Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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