You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
