i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dicks are not precious.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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