Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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