Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
