A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
