I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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