The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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