he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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