i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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