The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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