so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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