just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
