i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
