i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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